Everything is amazing

“Everything is amazing right now, and nobody’s happy. Like, in my lifetime, the changes in the world have been incredible. When I was a kid, we had a rotary phone. We had a phone you had to stand next to, and you had to dial it. You don’t realize how primitive – you’re making sparks *pffdtdt* in a phone – and you actually would hate people with zeros in their numbers because it was more, like “ugh, this guy’s got two zeros. Screw that guy.” And then if they called and you weren’t home, the phone would just ring lonely by itself. And then, if you wanted money, you would had to go in the bank for – when it was open for like three hours – you had to stand in line, you had to write yourself a check like an idiot, and then, when you ran out of money, you just go “well, I can’t do anymore things now”. That wasn’t it, and even if you had a credit card, they – they guy’d go “ugh,” and he’d bring bring out this whole *shunk shunk* and he’d write – and he’d have to call the president to see if you had any money. Well, yeah, ‘cause now we live in an – in an amazing, amazing world, and it’s wasted on the, on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots that don’t care – because this is what people are like now: they got their phone, and they’re like: “…uugh! It won’t…” Give it a second! Give it – it’s going to space! Can you give it a second to get back from space? Is the speed of light! I was on a, I was on an airplane, and there was Internet – high-speed Internet on the airplane – that’s the newest thing that I know exists. And I’m sitting on the plane, and they go, “open up your laptop. You can go on the Internet.” It’s fast, and I’m watching YouTube clips – I’m in an airplane. And then it breaks down. And they apologize, “The Internet’s not working.” The guy next to me goes “psssh, this is bullshit.” Like, how quickly the world owes him something he knew existed only ten seconds ago. Flying is the worst one because people people come back from flights, and they tell you their story. And it’s like a horror story. It’s – they act like their flight was like a cattle car in Germany in the ’40s: that’s how bad they make it sound. They’re like “it was the worst day of my life… first of all, we didn’t board for twenty minutes, and then we get on the plane, and they made us sit there! On the runway! For forty minutes! We had to sit there.” Oh, really? What happened next? Did you fly through the air incredibly, like a bird? Did you you partake in the miracle of human flight, you non-contributing zero? That you got to FLY?? YOU’RE FLYING! It’s amazing! Everybody on every plane should just constantly be going, “OH MY GOD! WOW!” You’re flying! You’re sitting in a chair in the sky. New York to California in five hours. That used to take thirty years to do that. And a bunch of you would die on the way there and have a baby. You be a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and you take dump and you’re home.”

— Louis CK “Everything Is Amazing And Nobody Is Happy”


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