December aka End Of The Year is creeping up on me, and I’m not ready for it. As Blink 182 very aptly sang, “It’s Christmas time again / It’s time to be nice to the people you can’t stand all year / I’m growing tired of all this Christmas cheer”. No, I’m not a grinch, nor am I in a in a funk. I’m just not ready to party, or celebrate. I’m sitting here realizing that I’ve fucked up so much in my life and most of it have been this year. I’ve set myself up for disaster, and blamed others for the rubble. And though I know that it’s not the case, I feel like 2012 has been nothing but a wasted year for me. Some part of me wants to restart and do it all again.
Yes. I have been wallowing in regret. It’s only natural.
But I am not made to be only natural.
It may be December, but it’s not the end. I’m ready to start, to begin. I want to forgive, beginning with myself. I want to fall back into all the good and leave the bad behind. I want to be able to look my past in the eye and say “Yea well, that was worth it in the end”. I want. I want. I want.
I want what You want.
It’s been a crazy messed up hectic corrupted hell-raising shit-stirring heck of a year, and it’s left me bruised, bleeding and broken in more ways than one. But I’m finally ready to heal now. I’m ready to begin again.