Give Thanks (2012)

1. 01/01/2012, 0024. We couldn’t get a cab, even after 2 hours of waiting and walking. It was humid and everyone around us was drunk. I fell asleep eventually, and woke to the first train home.

2. What makes yours different is that it was made for good, he says.

I smile and nod, but all I’m thinking is that good intentions don’t get me jobs.

3. “Wake the fuck up, I don’t want to lose you.”

4. Inebriated, I go outside to cool off in the rain. The idea sounds romantic, but smoking in the rain is a pretty fucking stupid idea. As were you.

5. So, what gets you high? He asks me as we sat in the cold plastic chairs of the hospital.

I couldn’t answer.

6. It’s 4am and insomnia hits again. I’m out of smokes, so I crawl to my knees instead and pray till the sun rises.

7. I’m crying on the train, and tell her so. She calls me and for an hour we pray and talk of silly things while I sit alone outside the dingy convenience store. Thank God for Shiyun.

8. If we try to save ourselves we will lose it, but if we lose ourselves we save it

9. “I’m going to blindfold you now” he says, and I can hear them giggling.

I open my eyes to family, candles on a cake and my mother hugging me senseless.

10. The referee swipes his arm in a cutting motion, “Fight!” I was waiting for a bell to ring, and am totally unprepared. I see nothing, but hear everything. I think of nothing but what was said to me 30seconds before this moment.

BREATHE!

And I do.

He pushes me away and I step back, waiting. Brad comes up behind me, and says “Congratulations”

At that moment, all I wanted was my dad.

11. Intoxicated, the world is mine. Where all things spin and most things rhyme.

12. She hugs me, as we settle down to watch her favourite Barbie movie, and tells me I’m the best sister ever. My heart swells.

13. We’re outside by the pool when I should be with the kids. She exhales a cloud of minty smoke, and tells me she’s glad I’ve experienced the pain of loss. I am inclined to agree.

14. 2137hours, He tells me to look to Him. So I do, and I see the moon smiling like the cheshire cat at me.

/

I experienced a lot this year. But at the end of it all I’m just glad there is You

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