A lifetime’s not too long

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Every time I make a new friend, I wonder why it happens. Ditto when friendships end/fade.

To begin with, the definition of Friend. I know some people who consider you a friend when they add you on Facebook, or when they’ve had at least 3 “meaningful” conversations. Me? I deem someone my friend the moment I care. This makes things a little grey, because I tend to care for strangers more than people I meet on a regular basis. But the main things I realize that happen are:

  1. I constantly want to know more (of what they did today, what they think about stuff, and if we like the same movies),
  2. I want to hang out with for no reason at all other than to just “exist”,
  3. I  feel the freedom to send silly animal photos over whatsapp,
  4. and most recently, when I want to pray for them.

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I’ve been pretty exposed to people. I just re-took the MBTI test and it showed that I was an introvert but looking at me, you probably would never guess it. I always attributed my 1k (now 900) over friends on Facebook to the the jobs and circumstances that I’ve been exposed to.

Having that many friends and knowing many people gets a bit overwhelming at times (nearly threw me off the edge for a few years, gasp, but more on that next time), but I’m not complaining.

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I guess the reason why I thought of writing this was in view of a certain someone I’ve been talking to over the past… week-ish and just comparing things with some other people I recently got to know over the past few months, and comparing THAT to the few people that I’ve known over the past year.

People come and go in your life. Sometimes they go a little faster than you like. I still miss my friends from pre-university days a lot. I miss slogging away in the school hall with my teammates at 15 and going caffeine-infused crazy at 18. I miss the days I used to assist with the A Team and sometimes, when I allow myself to,  I really really really miss the five of us.

Why did God bring this person into my life if He was only going to take them away?

Why would He want to place this level of responsibility of secrecy on me? 

I can’t keep my own heart together, how am I supposed to care for theirs?

I have no more room to love and no more energy to care.

It hurts, sometimes. When I realize the depth of my friendships with certain individuals that I have made at the age of 22. It’s scary to think that I know so much about them and carry to much of their weight with me, but it gets absolutely terrifying to realize that they carry mine too. That I’m as vulnerable with these … new people… in ways that I never imagined, and that I have come to care for them in a way I promised I never would after you left.

I have pulled you from the wreckage, and made you a new being in Me.

It’s easy to forget, once you’ve been forgiven. How loneliness was so painful. How pride-shattering it was to be misjudged. How heartbreaking it was to be given up on.

a new being in Me.

To love is to remember that you were once forgiven, and desire to do the same for others. It is my hearts’ desire to love as I have been loved.

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I intended to write this post to analyze my friendships/accquaintanceships with the people I’ve met (oops my goldfishness acting up) but I realized… Who am I to put a label on something like that? I’m pretty sure many people in my life now had the opportunity to look at me and go “Oh we’ll probably not get along, besides she’s only gonna be a hi-bye friend so no point making an effort getting to know her anyway” but it was because they didn’t do it, that things blossomed (here’s looking at you, peoplewhoIcall”mygirls”). 

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If God placed them, I will embrace them.

Even if it’s short lived.

Goodnight,
Weish.

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