It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along.
I’m not too sure if it translates to my writing or social media platforms it, but people who interact with me in real life will probably have experience my “infectious happiness” and pursuit of joy. I’m playful by nature (why do you think I get along with kids so well?), laugh at the same joke for days on end, will willingly sing or dance to One Direction songs and just generally have quite undignified (positive connotation) demeanor. I love being happy, and I can honestly say that my heart has been filled with joy that abounds and exceeds all expectations of what I held prior to 2013.
Joy is the flag flown high from the castle of my heart!
My newfound joy was bursting. Unlike the adrenaline kicks I got from attending motivational camps as a teen, this joy exceeded the two week expiration date. I was thriving. I was truly living for the first time in my life. It was incredible and addictive. I had fallen in love with joy. My heart had expanded in ways I never imagined. Loving people was easier. Holding a broken heart was no longer something I trudged through, but saw as opportunity to love more. I always wanted to dance.
Here’s the hitch to the pitch: Happiness is that it is just as exhausting as sadness.
I remember hearing something along these lines a few months ago, and I wish I had written it down. But the essence of it was the the preacher said to be as alert and in tune to our emotional tank in happy seasons because we are vulnerable then too. When you are low, it is easy to have the awareness that you’re exhausted and vulnerable. But when you’re on a high, you’re so busy being happy that you forget to keep a lookout for these things. You exhaust yourself without even realizing it. You start running on empty without feeling it. Yikes.
Well, that’s what I think happened to me at least.
The realization of the burnout was two weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to catch myself since. But the inertia of the year has been pushing my limits hard. I feel exhausted all the time. I start snapping at stupid people on the train. I hate any music that is not Yiruma. Sleep eludes me.
I have no idea where I’m going with this, or how to end it. I just thought to record my thoughts.