Every time I’m asked to share my testimony, I find myself looking back at the few years I’ve lived and wondering how so much could happen in such a short time. It almost makes me feel old (I say ‘almost’ because when I think of the years yet to come, I’m almost worried the sheer number of mistakes I have left to make). I’m not proud of who I used to be, I am humbled that I’m still alive and (dare I say it?) doing well.
My story always takes on different tones, depending on who I’m sharing it with and the point I’m trying to make at the end of sharing it. But if there’s one thing I can safely vouch for as a consistent, is that my journey did not happen overnight.
“You have called me from the darkness into the light.”
I’ve attempted to write my testimony several times now, and in light of recent situations I’ve had to sit down again to write yet another one. The above was written in January 2014, I never got to completing it. It’s pretty tough. Mostly because I’m such a give-them-ALLLL-the-details kind of person so my writing tends to end up 5 pages long in TMR size 12 single spacing when the actual number of words requested was “100 or less”. Yes, I was *that kid* in university too.
Thinking about it, I realize now that I’ll never ever truly be able to write my “journey in Life/God/Self-Discovery” for a long time, simply because I’m just not done with any of these journeys. I may have come a pretty long way with managing my relationships with people, but every day I’m revealed more and more how it’s still a struggle for me. I don’t excessively struggle with my eating or weight anymore now, but I still have days where I feel that my body is just not as good as it should be, and I walk around feeling crappy in the days after that.
It’s always good to reflect. To look back every time you get too caught up in the present and future. I recently decided to delete a bunch of my old blog posts simply because I felt it was time to move on from certain things and people, and found myself re-reading almost all of them, including the drafts. Realizing how the things I got so caught up in at 19 seem so bleak now, and the people I considered so important to be so distant. Not all of it’s bad.
I see how certain friends have been so astounding at showing love and patience in all my struggles (from the silly ones like listening to me hate on sport politics to the massive decisions I had to make). I see how certain friends, though we’re no longer in contact, shaped my life a lot back then. Made me realize what I did and did not want to allow in my life.
It’s been ages since I last wrote, so forgive me if this is a bit boring. but a quick life update on 2015 for me:
- I started working, got a full time job and left it. Currently doing freelance jobs, though the idea of working full time for one company does excite me more as I’ve come to learn that I need routines to guide me and give me room to create.
- I attended Bethel’s WorshipU on Campus in Redding, which left me breathless yet surprisingly hype-less. I’m still reflecting on things that happened there though.
- I started a journey with someone. It’s got it’s ups and downs. It’s probably been the biggest thing for me in terms of learning about myself and who I am with other people.
- Discovering my ministry in Art and Worship.
Anyway, I’m hoping to start writing again soon, even though I know I say this every year.